Normally, we provide you with a happy little story about something that will be helpful for those in the “Prime” or a nice write up of someone in their “Prime” doing something fantastic.  This month, we’re hoping to get everyone to think a little bit more, and to voice your opinion.  We hope that you will enjoy this column by Bill Kalmar, a man in his Prime that put in his time in the working world and now enjoys his time of retirement…or does he?  Read on and let us know “Whatdaya Think”?

 

Did it seem like winter would never end?  And to complicate matters, we lost an hour of sleep in the middle when Daylight Saving Time went into effect weeks earlier this year! I’m still playing catch-up with that elusive hour!  And then in March I turned the mystical, magical age of 65.  So if all this sounds like I’m cranky, just attribute it to my age!

 

And maybe that’s why events seem to irritate me a bit more now that I am officially a senior citizen.  Let’s start with something that has been bothering me for some time especially during this flu season, which I understand, has now reached epidemic proportions in the nation.  Is it really necessary for us to exchange handshakes, hugs and kisses in church?  This so-called “kiss of peace” in which members of certain religions, mostly us Catholics, demonstrate an affinity for fellow humans by shaking hands seems out of place when members of the congregation are coughing, sneezing and blowing their noses throughout most of the ceremony.  Can’t we just acknowledge each other by touching elbows?  What do you think?

 

Now I know this may sound un-American but can anyone tell me what benefits are derived by our launching spaceships to connect with the International Space Lab?  It seems that the majority of time in outer space is spent examining the solar panels on the outside of the spaceship to make sure than none were disturbed during the launch so that the astronauts can make a safe landing on terra firma.  Unless I am missing something, I have not seen any extraordinary breakthroughs in science or cures for disease that have been forthcoming.  Of course, the breakfast drink TANG was a result of space flight years ago, but have we seen any new developments since then?  I think not.  There are those who will argue that we are pioneers and should explore space, but I say let the Martians spend their money and find us!  Anyone out there agree?

 

Have you examined any of the mailing labels on your favorite magazines lately to determine the expiration date?  For years I have religiously renewed my periodicals after receiving a notice.   I just assumed that it was time to renew especially when some of the offers were too enticing to pass up such as “pay for one year and get the second year free”.  Just recently I looked at the expiration dates on several publications only to discover that one magazine doesn’t expire until 2012!  Maybe I should consider placing it in my will for my children to enjoy when I’m gone!

 

FORTUNE magazine had an issue recently with “The 101 Dumbest Moments In Business in 2007”.  It made for fascinating reading.  Here’s just a couple that caught my eye:  “Eli Lilly won FDA approval to put Prozac into chewable, beef-flavored pills to treat separation anxiety in dogs”.  Next we will be taking our canine friends for counseling!  And here’s one that I’m sure Apple Corp. would want back:  Nine-year-old Shea O’Gorman sent a letter to Apple CEO Steve Jobs suggesting ideas for improving her beloved iPod Nano, including adding onscreen lyrics so people can sing along.  She got back a letter for Apple’s legal counsel stating that the company doesn’t accept unsolicited ideas and telling her not to send in any more suggestions. Wonder if they would sue her if she sent in another suggestion!

 

Are you wondering if we are really in a recession or as some analysts label it – “an economic slowdown”.  Stew Leonard, Jr. CEO of Stew Leonard Supermarket in Connecticut has an easy way to determine if the economy is sluggish and if we are moving into a recession.  “I look for the mashed-potato effect.  If customers are buying our freshly prepared mashed potatoes instead of whole potatoes, then the economy is doing well.  Lately bulk potato sales have been up, so there’s concern about where the economy is going”.   (FORTUNE magazine 2/08)  Not very scientific but it makes sense to me!  What do you think?

 

You may have heard that Starbucks closed all of its stores for three hours on February 26 to retrain about 135,000 in-store employees.  Management indicated that this was a way to implement all new standards for how the popular drinks are created.  Consider for a moment if some companies and even individuals took a three-hour “time-out” or if there were a moratorium on some of the more irritating events that constantly bombard us from the media.  Consider this:

 

            +  A three-hour retraining program for all the so-called meteorologists in our town so that they more accurately predict the Armageddon of all impending blizzards.  The “Breaking News” segments warning us to stock up on food and then the premature closing of schools and businesses before the first flake falls has become so ludicrous that most of us ignore the exhortations because few become reality.  As I sit here writing my column for this month I am looking outside my window expecting the ten to twelve inches of snow that our local weather prognosticators have predicted and yet there is not a snowflake in the air.  Go figure!  Sounds like a three-hour retraining program would be helpful!

 

            +  And how about our politicians closing their offices for three hours while they review the purpose we sent them to the Capitol, namely to represent the people of the state and not for their own personal aggrandizement while they campaign for re-election?  And how’s this for effectiveness – our government in Michigan shut down momentarily during a budget impasse and no one even knew!  Maybe we don’t need any of them after all!

 

            +  Commercials for hospitals, health care and of course a myriad of medications have taken over the airwaves and I think a three-hour “time-out” would be appropriate.  Do we really need more information about pills that re-energize, and regenerate the male’s virility ego?  And as an aside to those commercials, do people really have dual tubs in their yards overlooking scenic views.  And in so far as hospitals, during the three-hour shutdown maybe the time could be spent computing the savings to patients if commercials were eliminated!

 

+  Are you as tired of the replacement window commercials or the various cable spokespersons who heap scorn on their rivals as I am?  Here’s my solution –three hours of listening to a loop of “She Bangs” rendered by that infamous, tone-deaf, crooner William Hung for these television hucksters.  Maybe the experience will be exhausting enough to discourage them from foisting any more mind numbing commercials on the public.  One can only hope!  You too?

 

Normally I like to conclude my columns with a witticism or quote from a comedian.  Since we are in the throes of a Presidential campaign that seems to inundate the television and newspapers I thought a comment from what many have considered “The Great Orator” namely President Ronald Reagan would be appropriate.  Reagan uttered these profound words in 1986:  Governments’ view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases – if it moves, tax it.  If it keeps moving, regulate it.  And if it stops moving, subsidize it”.

 

Well, that’s it for this time.  Now go out and enjoy this great Spring weather and make someone smile!  And if you would like to add some of your own three-hour time out suggestions for companies or individuals or just comment about any of my rants, please feel free to do so.  Write me c/o our Editor at jheuvers@matureadvisor.com.